"Someday I'll jump off a cliff and die. Thats what you all want isn't it? I'm finding opportunities. To? To die. Yes. I really want to die. and all this shit wouldn't have happened if I wasn't stalking you. or stalking myself.


You all, one after another, constantly at my neck. finding perfect opportunities to strike and kill me. How much do you hate me? yes i know you hate me alot. yes this was all brought upon myself. i regret everything i said during P5&6. I remember I used to tell my bestfriends :

'I hate him. He's caused misery and hurt again and again to me. He's made me feel stupid believing his lies again and again. I hate him, i really do.'



i repeated that for 3 years. yes its been 3 years i still can't let go of it. how many times i've broken down over this messy affair. even during atc, i was ticked off again and again. i dont even know how they found out about all these things in my life. they kept telling me to forgive but i can't bring myself to. i really don't know how. everyone's advicing me to talk to him again, but i just can't. i'm really sorry. i seriously wanna go die and i'm just blogging my feelings out. for the simplest reasons. on twitter, people say i'm spamming their timelines. on facebook, he will see it. anywhere else, people will just make crude remarks without all these things processing through their brains. i told myself i'll never think of him again, but i can't. he's bonded good feelings with me. i'm trying to let go but i'm unable to. he's hurt me so much i'll never trust another one again. and there won't be another one.


everytime i go to facebook, i see that photo again. i really wanna block you and end all this shit. but then you'll call me and ask me why, and i dont even wanna talk to you again, not after you hurt me so many times."

if karma really exists, thats not a wonder why i'm hated so much. my shitty attitude towards everything cus i've learnt not to give a damn about you anymore. wonder why? cos you've hurt me so much. i really hate you like anything thats ever existed. yes if i hate, i'm gonna get hated as well. but i'd rather be hated than to be forced to let go. letting go's tough after the 3 years thats passed.

you've made me have sleepless nights one after another. swollen eyes when i wake up. if this is part of your plan, let it go cus it aint working. stop asking me again cos i'm tired of answering those questions.

if i'm gonna get hated throughout my chung cheng life, so be it. i've had enough of this and its been barely a year. i've scraped through passing my exams. and my second semester's gonna be far worse. nothing's going right for me and i seriously hate it.


"Sure, you claim you still love me, but if you loved me you wouldn't have fallen for her right? you knew i hated it when things ended up like that. i remember i told you i never wanted something that had happened to happen again, you lied to me. you promised me nothing of that sort and now? You've totally changed your mind. you lied to me, thats something i'll never forget."


Thanks for showing me the way, i'll carry on walking myself. Go away, help me to forget you. i'll never look at you in the same way again.

thankyou. goodbye.